3 Years of...

3 years ago today we were facing the worst pain of our lives. We were saying goodbye to our "miracle." For me, it was not only the emotional, mental, and spiritual pain but also the worst physical pain. Even as I am writing this, I realize that it was at this same time of night that Brandon was holding our baby girl for the first time. I wasn't even awake yet.  She was still warm to the touch, though she had already entered heaven a half hour before. The memories of that horrific day and night haven't gone away. Neither have the tears.

But neither does the realization that we absolutely cannot deny God's presence that day or now. Nor can I question God's love for me. Today I thought about how incredibly close the doctors say I was to death...within just minutes. And I also recalled the timing of the events during the surgery itself. God intervened on at least three specific times that day to save my life.

So today, even though there's still grief, there is a lot of thankfulness. Thankfulness for how God keeps healing the hurt.                                         Thankfulness for friends remembering our Dani Grace's birthday and life. Thankfulness for a supportive husband by my side.
Thankfulness for a precious son who ran to throw his arms around me when he saw me cry. (And he alone is evidence to our family that God loves us.)
Thankfulness that my daughter's life has and still is being used for His glory.
Thankfulness that Danielle doesn't have to deal with a broken sin-cursed world and all that comes with it.

And mostly I am thankful that even though I miss her, it's not forever. I have the knowledge and hope that I will see her again in heaven. And what would I do without that and a God who loves me?