"He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him." Psalm 145:19
Three years and one month. That's how long I prayed this verse. Sometimes it was in desperation, and sometimes it was with a heart that claimed confidence in what God said. Lately, it has been more like the latter. It took a long time for me to be content that the God who had "given and taken away" would keep His Word, even if it wasn't in the way that I wanted or expected. But I know I can trust Him for good things. Period.
It started about 2009. Actually, for me, it started when I was a little girl. All I pretended and dreamed of was being a mother. No career ideas. Even though I love teaching and know God called me to it, it wasn't the first thing I wanted to do. It took us a while to get pregnant. God knew the reason. He had to work on us and our marrige first. But August 4, 2010 I found out I was expecting our first child. We were so excited. We kept it a secret, except for close friends and family, and were planning to announce it right after my first ultrasound. We heard the heartbeat and went in to see the doctor, only to have our hopes crumble around us. We had a really rare type of pregnancy, and the baby would not survive.
The next week was full of tears. A major surgery was scheduled for September 3rd. The doctors weren't even sure how to proceed. God worked on that day, leading my doctor to try a method that saved me from a route which would have devastated our hopes of having children. We were confident that this was only from Him.
It was at this time that God led me to the verse above. Another year passed and I went through some painful testing, showing that there had been significant damage. For the next couple of years we saw specialists and I had two additional surgeries, more testing, procedures, etc. Plus a lot of money. The doctors were honest that though it wasn't totally impossible, we did not have an easy road ahead of us.
We had come to a point of asking God how He wanted us to move forward. Brandon declared to God one morning on the way to work that we simply needed a miracle from Him. It was shortly after this that I discovered God had performed that miracle. Three years and one month to the day. I love looking back at verses we have prayed and seeing now that God has answered.
We are sharing this so our friends and family that have faced heartache will join us in trusting that God's grace IS enough to carry us through. He can restore hope when it has been lost. There is no substitute for His comfort and love. We hope that if you are reading this and experiencing a similar trial, or one completely different, that this will be an encouragement to keep trusting that God is faithful even when you don't feel it.
We also ask your prayers every day for the safety of the baby (and me). We still face possible complications in this "risky" pregnancy, and every day is a gift. We are not without fears, but we take those fears to the ONE who can conquer them. This is God's child!