Friday, October 17, 2014

Remembering and looking for blessings

One year ago today, I sat down, weak-kneed at the sight of "plus sign."  After 3 years of waiting and healing after our first baby, God had granted us a "yes." I hurried out to get a card for Brandon...a "Daddy" card. An instant feeling of fulfillment and deep joy took over my heart for the next 5 1/2 months. It felt like coming to the end of a very long, hard journey.

But the journey is never really over until we get to heaven, is it? Next week will make 8 months of travelling down another path. A fork in the road of learning to live without our Dani Grace here.  God is granting healing and beginning to answer my prayer to restore my joy.  I still have hard days when the tears won't stop flowing.  (Just sit beside me in church and you'll see the evidence of that!) And I miss my girl every day. My thoughts are constantly with her.  But she has caused me to think more about how wonderful heaven must be. Beyond anything that words could adequately describe. 

I've been blessed to get to know other special people who are learning to walk this same path. Somehow hearts are instantly bonded by knowing others understand the deep level of grief you have had.  God's complete grace has protected me from allowing this part of our journey to drive me away from Him. And it very well could have. So today brings bittersweet memories. And requires a little more of a fight for that joy I long for. But thankfully, one day, all these tears will be wiped away. And I will see the face of my children and our Savior. Revelation 21:4.

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